Country Rankings…How’s yours doing?

Top countiresSo, here are the countries that have visited the site since its inception. The top country, the UK, has had the most site views…strange that, what with most of my friends/family being British….then follows the USA, Canada and through the rest of the countries from left to right, reading like a sentence.

So…can you bump your country up the list?

Can you see your countries flag?

Do you even care/want to?

Are you bothered where your country comes in this graphic and have you seen through my weak attempt to get more views on my site?

Have I just given away my poor attempt at PR?…or…

Are you now actively wondering how you can push your fellow countrymen into viewing what you believe to be the best author/book site ever?

funny-Angry-Hermione-gun-wand

Has the last comment pushed you over the edge and you now think I’m a complete idiot; believing, as I did, that I could persuade YOU into providing free PR.

Are you wishing you stopped reading these inane questions minutes ago… wondering what you will have for dinner whilst concocting a way to kill the supposed friend who got you to view this site…the gullible bas@*&^%

Have you now taken out a contract on me to stop me waffle writing these ridiculous posts and to rid the world of what you believe to be the next devil incarnate?

So you’ve cooked dinner and still reading in the hope that I may have written something worth while…I mean, why else would Jeff from accounts have recommended you visit the site and in particular this page…it’s not as if Jeff dislikes you…is it?

Jeff is your best mate, your pillar when times got bad and you found yourself all alone after she left you. Why in the hell would he recommend this god forsaken site to you?

Jeff hates you.

You’ve just realised you’re not as popular as you thought and sometime in the past you really…REALLY…annoyed Jeff. Why else would he have asked you to view bloody blog?

You’re wondering if it was Jeff that got your girlfriend to leave you. Was it him that told her about the fling with Julie from accounts at the office leadership weekend?

It was, wasn’t it?

Yep.

Sucker!

Why the complete…hang on…how come I know about your sordid past? Well, maybe I’m Jeff mocking you, or maybe I’m your ex, humiliating you before your friends?

Have your friends read this site too?

Oh crap…you told them to. They’re probably on it right now, bumping up your country’s rating so that, soon enough, the whole town will know you’re a complete dooshbag.

Brilliant, just brilliant.

So why couldn’t Jeff/ex have just punched you in the face… and kicked you where no man should be kicked… instead of this embarrassing fiasco?

Revenge.

Alex's rage eventually escalates into violence.

A woman scolded and all that.

Probably shouldn’t have mocked her shoes too.

Yep, that was a mistake, a silly error that you could have done without. I mean, mentioning you thought her shoes were weird, when she asked if you’d been unfaithful.

But it was all you could think of to divert the conversation…that or stating you’d become a Buddhist monk.

Should have gone with the monk idea…too late now.

Suffer!

But you only split up yesterday and the website has been up for months?

Yep, they/we have been planning this for a long time, planning your hook up with Julie, seeding the desire during the Christmas party and then waiting for confirmation that you…wait, there’s a knock at the door, I’ll be right back, hold that thought.

Oh crap, you hired the hitman!

But I have so much to tell you, can’t you just tell him to stop? I have the answers you’ve been after: why you shouldn’t eat yellow snow, how they get those huge ships into those little bottles and why it’s not okay to enjoy listening to Britney Spears whilst wearing a Spiderman outfit and a hockey mask…

Singer Britney Spears was one of the best sell...

Singer Britney Spears was one of the best selling female performers of the 2000s. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

No, wait. I’ll pay you to get him to…

What do you mean this has nothing to do with Jeff and Julie. Listen, if you want to get your country higher up the ranks, then you get me more views…stop hiring villains!

And in other news, it has been discovered that the latest Pope used to be the bass guitarist for Metallica…that’s a lie, I can’t back that up.

Remember…the World need TLC.

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