What/Who is a Hero?

One of my friends placed the following in one of his Facebook status updates:

‘People call celebrities, footballers, actors and sports stars heroes. To them I say, you are wrong.

This is a hero. Fought and died for his country; but more importantly fought and died for his mates. What have you done today?

https://www.gov.uk/government/news/victoria-cross-for-fallen-hero

Now, I took umbrage to this statement and I’m getting fed up with the plethora of similar statements that are appearing on social networking sites, like Facebook.

Why am I so against this statement?

Because it is wrong in the most terrible way.  It’s a ill conceived bit of writing that has been done with little, or no thinking.  Unfortunately it, and its like, are all so prevalent on today’s Facebook.  It is the sort of comment that has flooded the popular social networking site it was written on, a site that is becoming more frequently known as Hatebook.  And I think it is time to stop them.

So what is wrong with my friend’s statement?

If you visit the site he has placed the link to, you can see that …’To date, only 1,360 VCs have been awarded. Lance Corporal Ashworth’s is the 1,361st, and the first to be awarded to a British soldier since Corporal Bryan Budd was posthumously honoured in 2006.’

and if you read the full article you will be amazed at Lance Corporal Ashworth’s bravery, the citation reading…

Despite the ferocity of the insurgent’s resistance, Ashworth refused to be beaten. His total disregard for his own safety in ensuring that the last grenade was posted accurately was the gallant last action of a soldier who had willingly placed himself in the line of fire on numerous occasions earlier in the attack. This supremely courageous and inspiring action deserves the highest recognition.

So, is Lance Cpl Ashworth a hero…damn right he is!

Lance Corporal James Ashworth (right) with a colleague in Afghanistan

Lance Corporal James Ashworth (right) with a colleague in Afghanistan [Picture: via MOD]

He died protecting his colleagues and was awarded the highest military honour you can receive in the UK, the Victoria Cross.  So my friend has got this right.  But what about the first part of the statement…I’m leaving out what I’ve done today bit until the end…I want to look at the first part, the beginning of the statement that made my blood run cold. Here it is again…

‘People call celebrities, footballers, actors and sports stars heroes. To them I say, you are wrong.

So, why can’t these type of people be heroes.  When I questioned this, he came back with the following

‘The idolisation of the popular culture has gone too far. Applauding someone who excels in any field is fitting (Oscars, Grammy awards, Nobel prizes), yet it doesn’t make them Heroes.
People can hero worship who the like, as they are entitled; how I disagree.

It is the difference between being brave in the face of the enemy (or opposition, using your Burmese example) and showing valour in the face of the enemy. People are brave every day, but that doesn’t make them heroes.’

Right, so what he’s saying is that the only hero you can have is one who’s basically been in the military.  Right, well I’ve been in the in the military for over 21 years, went out to Afghanistan, served in Northern Ireland during the troubles and have limped home a sick Tornado fighter on may an occasion and I TOTALLY, FULL HEARTEDLY DISAGREE with his inane comment and the plethora of similar ones on Hatebook.

Here’s why.

The Oxford English dictionary has the following definition of Hero:

Definition of hero

noun (plural heroes)

  • 1a person, typically a man, who is admired for their courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities:a war hero
  • …the chief male character in a book, play, or film, who is typically identified with good qualities, and with whom the reader is expected to sympathize: the hero of Kipling’s story

  • …(in mythology and folklore) a person of superhuman qualities and often semi-divine origin, in particular one whose exploits were the subject of ancient Greek myths.

  • 2 (also hero sandwich) North Americananother term for hoagie.
Now, we can probably ignore the 2nd part of the definition, I don’t believe my friend was talking about sandwiches, and concentrate on the first line….who is admired for their courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities…And this is where my friend has got it ALL wrong, where his statement flies in the face of all those who have made incredible achievements in their own fields and said to them…’sure they were okay, but you’re not in the military, so really, they’re just not that super.’  Do he really think that Alexander Fleming should not be considered a hero for discovering penicillin, the forefather of antibiotics, leading to the saving of millions of lives, the possibility of successful complex surgery and organ transplants.  He’s a bit of a hero in my mind.  But he’s not been in the military.

Alexander Fleming in the Lab

So what IS a Hero?

For me, a hero is someone we aspire to be, a person we look up to and whose qualities we want to reproduce in ourselves.  When we were young the hero could well have been a parent or older sibling, a teacher or scout leader.  But are these people heroes?  YES.  A hero is someone that is deemed such by the one who has labelled them thus.  They are the good teachers, the ones that make you do the work because it’s a joy to do it for them, they are the parents that you want to become yourself.  They’re also the sports star that scores the goal that wins the cup, hits the six that wins the test series, or the actor who brings to life your favourite Dickens character and makes you laugh, smile and weep with their portrayal of Scrooge.  So why can’t our hero’s be none military?  Why are there those on Facebook who cannot believe that unless you’re being shot at, that those exemplary in fields other than the armed forces can only be thought of as okay.  I mean, in my mind, any one who receives a Noble Prize is pretty much my hero.  They are the people who’ve made a difference, the best in their profession and above all, they are the Heroes we wish we were capable of replicating.

Simply put…they are our Heroes and they work in ALL WALKS OF LIFE.

So, to my friend, I say…’I think you’re wrong’…completely and utterly.

But that is not my point, or the reason for this post.

So what is my point?

I, like many of you, will have had you Facebook inundated with posts that remember war heroes from time past.  This I applaud.  However, it is the inane comments that go with them that I thoroughly dislike, the… ‘this is a real hero and footballers should be ashamed of how much they earn’.  Why?  We known the person they’ve mentioned is a hero, and remembering them is a laudable exercise.  So why have the writer’s sullied the post with the inane comment.  Do they think the hero they’re mentioning would appreciate them putting down all others outside of the military that we aspire to replicate.  I don’t think so. I would assume that they themselves had heroes during their lifetime that were nothing to do with the armed forces.  What’s more, I believe they would wince at the thought that their endeavours were being manipulated in such a way; cheapened to get a rise out of others on Facebook, a way to add controversy into the writer’s mundane timeline.

So what should we do?

Me, from now on I’m simply ignoring them.  I won’t allow the misinformed to darken my day with their inane posts in the hope that they’ll stop writing controversial subtitles to otherwise fine links. Instead I’m going to remember those who have made such an impact on the planet we live on, military or civilian, and thank them for the wonderful contribution they’ve made to all our lives.

Here’s just a few that I believe are heroes:

Marie Curie, Wellington, Winston Churchill, J R Tolkien, Laurence Oliver, John Lennon, The Monty Python Team, Alexander Flemming, J K Rowling, David Beckham, Jessica Ennis, Ridley Scott, Tim Berners-Lee(created the internet), R J Mitchell (designed the Spitfire), Dame Judi Dench, Lenny Henry (began and runs Comic Relief), Douglas Adams, Alfred Nobel, President’s Roosevelt and Obama, Nelson Mandella, Mother Teresa, Ghandi…and there are so many more.

These guys are top of my Heroes of Comedy…simply brilliant.

Oh yes, what have I done today.  Well I’ve walked and fed the dog…and I think he believes I’m a hero, but he’s biased

Sam, as well as being the first mobile towel holder, also chases squirrels, balls and will happily eat the lasagne you’ve left in a bag at the front door, meant for your cousins.

Country Rankings…How’s yours doing?

Top countiresSo, here are the countries that have visited the site since its inception. The top country, the UK, has had the most site views…strange that, what with most of my friends/family being British….then follows the USA, Canada and through the rest of the countries from left to right, reading like a sentence.

So…can you bump your country up the list?

Can you see your countries flag?

Do you even care/want to?

Are you bothered where your country comes in this graphic and have you seen through my weak attempt to get more views on my site?

Have I just given away my poor attempt at PR?…or…

Are you now actively wondering how you can push your fellow countrymen into viewing what you believe to be the best author/book site ever?

funny-Angry-Hermione-gun-wand

Has the last comment pushed you over the edge and you now think I’m a complete idiot; believing, as I did, that I could persuade YOU into providing free PR.

Are you wishing you stopped reading these inane questions minutes ago… wondering what you will have for dinner whilst concocting a way to kill the supposed friend who got you to view this site…the gullible bas@*&^%

Have you now taken out a contract on me to stop me waffle writing these ridiculous posts and to rid the world of what you believe to be the next devil incarnate?

So you’ve cooked dinner and still reading in the hope that I may have written something worth while…I mean, why else would Jeff from accounts have recommended you visit the site and in particular this page…it’s not as if Jeff dislikes you…is it?

Jeff is your best mate, your pillar when times got bad and you found yourself all alone after she left you. Why in the hell would he recommend this god forsaken site to you?

Jeff hates you.

You’ve just realised you’re not as popular as you thought and sometime in the past you really…REALLY…annoyed Jeff. Why else would he have asked you to view bloody blog?

You’re wondering if it was Jeff that got your girlfriend to leave you. Was it him that told her about the fling with Julie from accounts at the office leadership weekend?

It was, wasn’t it?

Yep.

Sucker!

Why the complete…hang on…how come I know about your sordid past? Well, maybe I’m Jeff mocking you, or maybe I’m your ex, humiliating you before your friends?

Have your friends read this site too?

Oh crap…you told them to. They’re probably on it right now, bumping up your country’s rating so that, soon enough, the whole town will know you’re a complete dooshbag.

Brilliant, just brilliant.

So why couldn’t Jeff/ex have just punched you in the face… and kicked you where no man should be kicked… instead of this embarrassing fiasco?

Revenge.

Alex's rage eventually escalates into violence.

A woman scolded and all that.

Probably shouldn’t have mocked her shoes too.

Yep, that was a mistake, a silly error that you could have done without. I mean, mentioning you thought her shoes were weird, when she asked if you’d been unfaithful.

But it was all you could think of to divert the conversation…that or stating you’d become a Buddhist monk.

Should have gone with the monk idea…too late now.

Suffer!

But you only split up yesterday and the website has been up for months?

Yep, they/we have been planning this for a long time, planning your hook up with Julie, seeding the desire during the Christmas party and then waiting for confirmation that you…wait, there’s a knock at the door, I’ll be right back, hold that thought.

Oh crap, you hired the hitman!

But I have so much to tell you, can’t you just tell him to stop? I have the answers you’ve been after: why you shouldn’t eat yellow snow, how they get those huge ships into those little bottles and why it’s not okay to enjoy listening to Britney Spears whilst wearing a Spiderman outfit and a hockey mask…

Singer Britney Spears was one of the best sell...

Singer Britney Spears was one of the best selling female performers of the 2000s. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

No, wait. I’ll pay you to get him to…

What do you mean this has nothing to do with Jeff and Julie. Listen, if you want to get your country higher up the ranks, then you get me more views…stop hiring villains!

And in other news, it has been discovered that the latest Pope used to be the bass guitarist for Metallica…that’s a lie, I can’t back that up.

Remember…the World need TLC.

TLC ON KINDLE BIRTHDAY GIVEAWAY

TLC ON KINDLE BIRTHDAY GIVEAWAY.

So, are you one of the many that have already glimpsed the promotion on this weekend?

Have you told your friends about it, or are you going to be mean, download it yourself, read it and then tell your friends (smugly) how you think the book is amazing…and you got it for free.

Don’t be like that

Tell your friends, your sister who has a teenage daughter, the tramp that lives in the garage and owns a Kindle Fire or the small alien from the planet Phtanger Plop who dropped in to visit at Christmas… broke the space ship reversing out of the launch pad… and is still waiting for intergalactic DHL to drop of the new plasma phase coli thingymajig-whatsamacallit 2, so that he can get home for the Easter Egg hunt, an idea that he believes will make him a fortune as they have a rabbit problem on Phtanger Plop.

So what are you waiting for, press the share buttons, get the word out and be the friend/sibling/workmate/customs officer that shares the good will, likes to make the world a better place and…ah, this probably doesn’t apply to the customs officer…rejoices in seeing people smile, laugh and enjoy themselves, and is  known for always going out of your way if you can help others.

Or…you can

Just read it and then smugly tell your friends that ‘it’s now back up to full price and how cool am I for getting it for free’.  I suggest you finish the sentence with a wink before sticking two fingers up at them…and then running to the door as quickly as possible, dodging the supersonic stiletto thrown by the girl you wanted to date, but now realise you have no hope with, and ducking as your priceless plastic Stuka model recreates a scene from the Battle of Britain.

Your Choice, I know which I would do, but then I was always the weird one and I was never going to get that date anyhow…and it’s just funnier that way.

Remember…the World needs TLC!

Note: The reason for the Rabbit problem on planet, Phtanger Plop, is due to Mr Archiboldavinatachyphlem Katanga-Xantianiagforkander (known as ‘Mate’ to his friends) importing a species of rabbit 20 years ago and allowing them to escape and breed in the wild.  The rabbit species in question was the Flopsy rabbit of Spantaga Prime (a huge 12ft tall carnivorous monster known for causing several species extinctions in over 42 galaxies).

‘Mate’ bought as they looked ‘cute’.

The little bundles of joy soon grew from the ‘initially I could hold them in my hand’ and he released them after they had eaten his dog, its kennel and two of the neighbours racing hippo-horses.

There is a warrant out for ‘mate’ with a huge reward attached.  It is believed he escaped to planet Earth around Christmas and has remained there after an accident in the launch pad…

TLC ON KINDLE BIRTHDAY GIVEAWAY

TLC Free on Kindle 15-17 Mar 2013

As it is my Birthday weekend, if anyone asks I’m 30…ish, I’m giving away TLC on kindle for Free.

Who Will Enjoy TLC?

If you, your friends/family/neighbours/family pet/man you met at the bus stop/siblings enjoyed books like Potter, Hitchhikers or Pratchett, then you/they will enjoy TLC.

Get the Word Out

Share this on your Facebook, retweet it on Twitter, tell your friends that North Korea have promised to dismantle their Nuclear weapons if they download it…mention it at your book club and then read it yourself.

Remember…The World Needs TLC

buy1__V192207739_

The offer begins at 12:00 AM Pacific Standard Time…that’s GMT -7hours… on the 15 March and finishes 12:00 PM Pacific Standard Time on the 17 March.  All times are subject to variation as the Amazon servers catch up, dependent upon where you are in the World.

Recipe for Fantasy…or should a wand be allowed to talk?

I am writing this today at the bequest of the wand from my book, The Lost Cactus.  The problem is, he is a little upset with the way I’ve depicted him, and has stated that he’d like to change his profile in follow up books…into a sword.

I told him no and that’s when the problems started.

funny-Angry-Hermione-gun-wand

So, the question is, should a wand be able to talk, can I stop him now that he does and will I ever hear the last of it from the wand union?

First of all I need to fill you in on a few details, mainly how I got in to this mess to begin with.

The Recipe for a Good Fantasy Novel…or so I Thought.

When I was younger, yep some time ago in the middle of the Jurassic Period, I began reading the Hobbit, a story which is currently being murdered in the cinemas by an overly long script, a focus on the darker side of the plot and stretching the storyline to breaking point.  Anyway, after reading this wonderful tale, I then, as most others do, went on to read The Lord of the Rings trilogy.  My heart and mind were in unison…they both loved fantasy and after reading David Eddings and Terry Brooks offerings to the genre, my love for fantasy was set.

Later on in life, around the time man began to walk upright, I read other types of books, non-fiction, historical fiction, crime and conspiracy novels and of course, due to my work, a lot of Tom Clancy…wow, but how good was red Storm Rising and how bad are the Rainbow Six novels in comparison.

Anyway, before I waffle write about my reading past, I must now go onto my writing present.  When I began slowly chiselling out the stones that would begin my opening to TLC…we’re now into the bronze age but I couldn’t afford the papyrus…I wondered what was the correct format for the perfect Fantasy Novel and here’s what I came up with.

1.  A hero/heroine MC of some sort…a dark past essential if you want to go with the gloomy atmosphere.

2. A heroine or gorgeous boyfriend if the MC is the wrong sex…though these days, you can play around with the formula depending on how risky you want to be.

3. An evil, up to no good,  bad guy…probably one of the most fun characters to write if you want to really mess up the reader…think of Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs…was he really that bad, or just miss understood?  If you thought the later, you’re one of the messed up readers…he ate people!

4.  A great cast of characters to annoy, please, frustrate and generally try to kill the MC.

5.  An ideal setting, anywhere will do, but it needs depth, believability, and the odd dragon really helps.

6.  A way of preforming the magic…you could use a wand, and this is where my whole heart ache began.

What is a Wand?

J K Rowling used the ubiquitous stick wand, Tolkien, the wonderful staff wand, Eddings an Orb of massive power and King Arthur used a rather large Sword given to him by an ex-girlfriend who hid out in a lake after he dumped her…not a lot of people know about this part of the Arthurian legend as historians have tried to hush it up, but basically he dumped her after she demanded he get rid of the whole castle idea and go more open plan.

So, what type of wand should I go for in my story, the stick, sword or orb.  Well, I thought I could spice it up a bit, make the whole story more modern and …well…he’s not happy about what I chose…to say the least.

The Wand Union Problems

So wandy, I’m not going to use his real name, goes and tells the union and all hell breaks lose.  The next thing I know, I’m being visited by a couple of wands and shown a picture of a wizard who refused to listen to his.  He was subsequently held hostage while the wand union re-negotiated wand rights with the good guys union.

This is the picture they showed me…it made me cold all over.

wand hostage

The poor wizard Dumbledore being held hostage by his wand as negotiations take place.

The big question now is, should I change the wand into a sword as it has requested, or am I just giving in.  My MC has said we should sack him and he’d prefer a gun anyway, especially given the amount of gnomes in the sequel.  The heroine has said I should keep the wand as hers comes in so handy…she has a vanity mirror and I think her ego is starting to get the better of her.  And then I’ve got the whole union thing to deal with.  They say that…

‘a fantasy story needs a wand, one approved by the union and that has recieved all the correct health and magic at work briefings’

 So I’m stuck.  What I really could do with is some advice, but the wizards are avoiding me, other fantasy writers don’t want to get embroiled in this contentious issue and the publishers say it’s my problem, I made him talk, I get him to shut up and play ball.

But a wand can’t play ball…or can he?

Are Earthworms to Blame for Global Warming and are we Blind to the Global Earthworm Conspiracy?

I have just read an article in the UK’s Guardian Newspaper and I’m now wondering whether we have a global worm conspiracy on our hands?  Have the worms actually duped us into to believing that global warming was down to our efforts, when actually they were the ones responsible?  Are we blind to the global worm conspiracy against us?

The more I researched this subject, the more worried I become…and so should you.

Beware the earthworm threat.

Beware the earthworm threat.

April 2010-BBC report that Earthworms form herds and make group decisions. 

If you read the link above, you can see where my worry began, and how it has begun to haunt my every waking moment.  The article states that, if you read between the lines a little bit…

earthworms are capable of forming huge armies capable of wiping us off the face of the earth…

…given the correct circumstances.  I did not believe it at first.  Sure the reporter had tried to hide the real calamity awaiting us due to our ignorance. But after a second reading of the article, it was all to clear.  I couldn’t believe it, but there it was…

we’re sleeping while beneath us a tide of hatred plans our downfall

Should we really be worried about Al Qaeda when packs of suicide worms may soon destroy the very planet we live on?  Read on to learn more about this startling story…

24 Sep 2012-BBC Report an Alien Worm Invasion.

After reading the above article I realised that if we didn’t act soon, we would be too late.  It states, again if you read between the lines a little, that we are being invaded by a new super worm, one that has erupted forth from the bowels of the earth in order to challenge us for dominance at the top of the food chain.  The more I read, between the between the lines, the more the warning signs leapt out at me.

They have been working in our labs for some time, slowly developing themselves into superworms, a species of fighters ready to take us on when their numbers are sufficient

Earthworm

19 inch earthworm found in China

…so how do we stop them?  In the autumn I rang the UN and told them of my worries, that we were being invaded by right wing radical earthworms, but would they believe me…oh no, they could not see the earthworms evil for the all soil processing they were doing.  But I know what they’re up to.  I can see their evil designs.  And the next news article explained it all to well.  The question is, are we to late?

5 Feb 2013-Guardian Reports Global Worming Responsible For Global Warming 

Just as many of the Anti-Global Warming activists could have told you, we have very little to do with global warming, if it is happening at all.  they would tell you ‘it is all a massive cover up’.

If you speak to one of these activists yourself, one of the

‘it’s all a load of crap dreamt up by the tree huggers!’…

types, you’ll get a very strange response.  A standard answer when you quiz them about Global Warming.  When I first heard it, I couldn’t believe my ears…

‘why are you opening that can of worms?’

There it was, plain as day.  A threat from the worms.  You ask to many questions then they will open up a can of worms, obviously a code word for releasing the armies of superworms upon us.  So are we to late? After reading the article from the BBC on Global Worming, I think we probably are.

We’re too late. They’re already amongst us.

They have totally infiltrated the soil infrastructure, they are at home there and seem to be able to produce global warming gas at will…much like your granddad after Sunday lunch (I’m not saying granddad is in league with the worms, but it is something we may have to look into?).

So there we have it.  The end of humanity is upon us and we seem oblivious to the plot of the evil empire beneath our feet. 

So what should we do?

Me…I’m gonna keep on believing that the whole Global Warming thing might actually be down to man and ignore the real issue, hoping that the worm menace might somehow go away…but am I just sticking my head in the air?  After all, they are now promoting their own superheroes…

earthworm jim

We’re too late, make peace with the worms…

What is YA and does the older Author (myself) understand it?

I have just written and self-published my first novel, a funny fantasy story about an office worker and his adventures with a sarcastic wand… and seven trainee dwarfs.

When I mailed the synopsis and sample chapters to agents, the response I received was ‘this isn’t YA, as the MC is to old’…he’s 23.

Now, should I have an issue with this, or I don’t understand the term YA?

So what is YA?

For me it is literature that would appeal to the teenager due to its characters and storyline.  Or is it, as the agents would have me believe, only stories that involve a YA as its MC?

Is this correct?

Here’s why I think they may be wrong in assuming that YA books are all about YA aged heros/heroines…

Image

Yep, when I was a YA, we watched The Young Ones, a group of twenty something university students that…well, simply made us laugh.  So what are the YA audience watching today and does it give us a clue to their reading habits?

the big bang theory

Hmmm, yep, a program about a bunch of twenty something university professors.  Okay, so that’s TV and not literature and the YA genre is full of Twilight, Hunger Games and Potter, all of which are well below the age of my MC.  But the YA audience is also reading The Hobbit, the Discworld series, Star Wars, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Dune and countless others that don’t fit into the YA MC genre…and I’m not mentioning The Lord of the Rings series.

So, the question is, is YA a term for books that have a YA MC, or is it a term for books that the YA would enjoy?

I would love some feedback…

Link

Tiger’s Furious Over Census

Tiger Census

With the Indian and Bangladeshi governments committing to a census of tigers in their respective countries, a spokestiger for the soon to be counted, verbally backlashes those involved.  In a hastily drawn up news conference the spokestiger, a huge cat called Tim, asked the press to voice concern over what is being referred to as ‘a gross invasion of tiger privacy’.

When quizzed for more information, the tigers agent, a dwarf called Berty gave a press release and closed the conference quickly when Indian officials quizzed him on a large water pipe burst outside the Taj Mahal.

(recently the dwarf Berty had been involved in the failed attempt to dig the world’s deepest well, giving up when his co-worker, a dog called Ralphy actually filled in the hole and ended up making a mound…strangely, the world’s largest.  Fortunately the mound was washed away.  Unfortunately this was due to a huge water pipe bursting… which was probably due to the dwarfs use of elven explosives in an area with a huge water pipe.  The subsequent mess has since been cleared at huge expense by the Indian Tourist office).

Taj Flood

The press release given by Berty, stated the tigers, his clients, did not like the big brother attitude of the respective goverments and they were worried that it would lead to increased border taxes due to their frequent migration.  They were also worried that privacy laws were being broken and questioned why the lions of Africa, or the tigers of Siberia were not being similarly quizzed.

As the spokestiger ran from the room after his fleeing agent, he shouted out to the reporters, ‘why are we being ridiculed by the hyenas?’.

In an undercover operation, a taped conversation with one of the hyenas, at an undisclosed drinking hole in Mozambique, the spokesman for the Hyenas was recorded saying that…

‘it’s about time the big dumb cats got what was due, after all the bad press we received from the Lion King.

(The Hyena talking about the acting role they’d had in the Disney Hit, The Lion King, a media disaster for them.)

The Hyena then went on to state…

‘The census will show the world that they’re (the tigers) eating to much, transporting undisclosed amounts of meat back and forth across the borders and that most of them are travelling on holiday visas, and not work permits.  I also think they’re the ones responsible for the horsemeat in the burgers incident…they provided the raw meat!’

What is clear to this reporter is that there is more to this story than first meets the eye.  Sign up to receive updates as the story progresses!

Hasn’t education progressed beyond this?

So, I’m studying to be an airline pilot and learning all about the intricacies of civil air-travel…it’s really boring by the way…and all I can think about it when is my first review going to be published, will they hate or love it, and will they wonder why there are so many dwarfs in the union?

Ho, hum…so it’s back to Meteorology and Human Factors, a study into how the Civil Aviation Examiners can write a question so poorly as to leave you confused as to what their asking, which centaury they were in when the conundrum was posed, and what type of aircraft were actually flying at the time…some sort of winged dinosaur with a wooden saddle on the back I’m guessing from the questioning technique?  Seriously, can’t the modern examiner not pose a question that is relevant to today’s aircraft, not one that was taught to Columbus before he was allowed to board the damn boat…a questioning technique that doesn’t leave you wondering whether the inquisitor learnt his trade in Spain during the middle ages and has heard of…what we in the aviation industry call…lighter than air travel, or aeroplanes for short.  Why am I having to suffer from this after flying the Tornado,

crop f3

Hawk and various other types, all over the world and amassing nearly 5000 hours?  It cannot just be to make money for the Civil Aviation Authority could it?  They wouldn’t make me jump through all these hoops, prove I can fly a Cessna…apparently a set of RAF Fighter Pilot Wings doesn’t count for much and they need to know I can fly a light piston aircraft to show my true metal…before I can prove that I am able to fly in the airways?  I’m sure it’s not a money making exercise  😦

N.B. I have flown in the airway structure as far afield as the USA and Malaysia, from Iceland to Egypt and most of the countries in-between with my RAF wings!

Still they are using a computer based learning system… yeah, you can see the chalk marks on the DVD, sure… but at least they’re trying.  Very bloody trying.

Anyway, rant over.  Back to the stupid test on the heart…for some reason we need to be able to build one mid flight?

Do you have any gripes about the sort of training you get for your job?  If you do, I’d love to hear about them.