Hasn’t education progressed beyond this?

So, I’m studying to be an airline pilot and learning all about the intricacies of civil air-travel…it’s really boring by the way…and all I can think about it when is my first review going to be published, will they hate or love it, and will they wonder why there are so many dwarfs in the union?

Ho, hum…so it’s back to Meteorology and Human Factors, a study into how the Civil Aviation Examiners can write a question so poorly as to leave you confused as to what their asking, which centaury they were in when the conundrum was posed, and what type of aircraft were actually flying at the time…some sort of winged dinosaur with a wooden saddle on the back I’m guessing from the questioning technique?  Seriously, can’t the modern examiner not pose a question that is relevant to today’s aircraft, not one that was taught to Columbus before he was allowed to board the damn boat…a questioning technique that doesn’t leave you wondering whether the inquisitor learnt his trade in Spain during the middle ages and has heard of…what we in the aviation industry call…lighter than air travel, or aeroplanes for short.  Why am I having to suffer from this after flying the Tornado,

crop f3

Hawk and various other types, all over the world and amassing nearly 5000 hours?  It cannot just be to make money for the Civil Aviation Authority could it?  They wouldn’t make me jump through all these hoops, prove I can fly a Cessna…apparently a set of RAF Fighter Pilot Wings doesn’t count for much and they need to know I can fly a light piston aircraft to show my true metal…before I can prove that I am able to fly in the airways?  I’m sure it’s not a money making exercise  😦

N.B. I have flown in the airway structure as far afield as the USA and Malaysia, from Iceland to Egypt and most of the countries in-between with my RAF wings!

Still they are using a computer based learning system… yeah, you can see the chalk marks on the DVD, sure… but at least they’re trying.  Very bloody trying.

Anyway, rant over.  Back to the stupid test on the heart…for some reason we need to be able to build one mid flight?

Do you have any gripes about the sort of training you get for your job?  If you do, I’d love to hear about them.

Ralphy the Dog sues Dwarf over loss of bone

Ralphy after hard days work at the mine, in the first few days work at the mine, the dog was said to have dug over two metric tonnes of soil…unfortunately, subsequently he replaced all the soil over a bone he wanted to hide.

In a disturbing development at the world’s deepest well construction site, the only worker, the Dog Ralphy, has walked out citing irreconcilable differences with the dwarf Berty, and is threatening to sue over the loss of his bone.  This is after the dwarf threw the bone away when the dog re-filled the well…again…to bury and hide the old femur.

This reporter had discovered that apparently Ralphy had found the work hard, and according to a friend of the dog’s, ‘he didn’t really understand what the whole project was about…and after Berty had stroked his ears, he really didn’t care. He just (Ralphy the dog) wanted to please and the promise of two walks a day sent him into a tail chasing fit!’

This reporter has also found out that the dwarf had brought treats with him when the contracts were signed and the use of a rubber ball, a fluffy toy and a wind up cat, has been suggested by more than one source.  Certainly, there appears to have been more than a little coercion implied during the negotiations and it is a surprise that the magic police have not been called in to investigate.

More on this story in the coming weeks.

To get more background on how this sorry state of affairs has come about, see related articles on the 22 Nov and 26 Nov.

Dwarf and Dog fall out over bone!

Professor  Barthomlew Big-Beard’s dog, Ralphy, quits after just a few days…stating lack of union representation as his reason.  However, in a worrying development, this reporter discovered that the building site for the world’s deepest well is a shambles and, that the only other employee, apart from the dwarf Berty, has left the construction work after only a few days on the job.  Apparently, after an argument about a dug up bone, the dwarf Berty fumed at his co-worker, Raplhy, when he re-filled the hole to bury the bone.   After the incident, a new union rep was voted in to try and calm the hostile feelings building upon the camp.  The Union Rep, Ralphy, who was voted in unanimously by all the workers much to the dwarf, Berty’s disgust,  declared a strike until worker’s bone rights could be sorted and either secure bone storage put in place or else the right for employees to bury their bones be enforced.

I can only guess that without some sort of interjection from the foreman, unfortunately also Ralphy, construction will be slow, to say the least.

More to come on this story in the coming weeks.

China to build world’s tallest building, dwarf to dig world’s deepest well

An SVG map of China with Hunan province highli...

An SVG map of China with Hunan province highlighted Legend: Image:China map legend.png (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In an announcement today, the country of China announced it would build the world’s tallest skyscraper, named Sky City, in Changsa, Hunan Province.  The building will be over 838 meters high, have 220 floors and would be constructed in just 3 months.  The construction will involve 200, 000 tons of steel and have space for 31,000 people when complete.

Other interesting facts about Sky City at the bottom of the page…

In other news, and after reading about the construction of Sky City, a dwarf named Berty, has announced that he will single handed dig the world’s deepest well.  The Super Well, or World’s Bottom as Berty has named it, will be exactly ten times as deep… as Sky City is high.  We asked the famous dwarf scientist Professor Bartholomew Big-Beard what this sort of project would involve…

Apparently Berty would have to work for the next 50,000 years just to dig the well, and would require another 50, 000 years to remove all the dirt he’d dug up.    He would have to work at temperatures that would melt his dwarfmail and be under constant threat of a crushing death with any collapse.  The Professor stated that the likelihood of the project ever being finished was so infinitesimally small, as to be negligible, that the dwarf would likely be killed in the first few days, and that the well was more probable proposition if Berty employed the Professor’s dog, Ralphy, as head foreman… due to his extensive digging for bones in the back garden.  He also wished Berty all the best.

When we put these facts to Berty, the small dwarf (he was actually the shortest dwarf in his mining class), replied that he believed he could get the job done in half the time the Chinese are using to construct their ‘so called Sky City’.

Journalistic note:  Berty did seem to struggle with dimensions and paled noticeably when someone explained that the model of Sky City was  …’just a model.’ and that ‘…the real one would be several thousand times bigger’.  The trainee dwarf, presently bottom of his class at the local dwarf college, has not been seen since.  This journalist did find out through a local shop keeper that Berty had just doubled his spade order, employed Ralphy as his head Foreman and added a bucket to the construction equipment list; perhaps we’ll be drinking water from the depths of the earth in the next couple of months, after all?

Sky City Facts and Figures:

It will have 104 lifts, though I bet none are as much fun as the one in TLC!

83% of the building would be used for residential use and house up to 17400 people.

There will  be a hotel with capacity for 1000, schools educating 4,600 children and a hospital for 1,400 patients.

No dwarfs or gnomes will be allowed on the premises after the owners of the building were abducted by rampaging football fans complaining about the sacking of the Chelsea FC manager.

Wizards and Witches would have to hand in their wands at reception as the building would be very prone to Bendy Foundation, a symptom of magic’s use on concrete and steel, discovered after construction of a tower in the Italian City of Pizza by the Wizard’s Guild of Free Masons.

Sub Note:  The Wizard’s Guild of Free Masons was disbanded after they built a bridge at Tacoma Narrows, the head wizard blessing the structure with his wand afterwards…the result…Bendy Foundation!

The Effect of Magic on the Tacoma Narrows Bridge

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